It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

The last birthday that's any good is 23.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.