You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.

Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.

Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.