Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he's written that can't be read aloud easily.

Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.

It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.

Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.

When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to.