That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were upset.

2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.

Amy [Schumer] and I each have our cross to bear when it comes to tattoos. Amy and I are funny when we fight. It just keeps escalating until one of us starts laughing. Then it's over. I'm happy that we're friends.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.