I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. So I was either talking for the sake of talking, or I was curled up with a book somewhere hiding from everyone.

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.

Child molesters must all think they've got huge dicks.

Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.