I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.

I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.

Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.

The world is full of horrible things.

Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.

Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.