When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.

What do they call that hat Jewish guys always wear? A Yankees cap.

It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.

On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and tweet it. That was my thing, and then at a certain point, people started demanding it.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.