When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.

I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were upset.

Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.