People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.

Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.