God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.

With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.