I'm too cynical to be an optimist.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

I prefer to sleep with deaf girls. Those crazy chicks never have a safe word.

Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve seen feels like I’m watching a third tower collapse.

My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?