The world is full of horrible things.

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve seen feels like I’m watching a third tower collapse.

I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.

Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.