I don't have much racial stuff in my act. And no one's ever really threatened me to my face. Threats on the internet don't bother me so much.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.

I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little "faces."

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.