I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.

I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.

Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.