I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.

I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.