I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies

I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.

The things that matter most are not things.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.