Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.

I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.

I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it's the only time you've got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy.