A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.

Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it-- but when they get a bad review they never forget it. Every writer I know is the same way: you get a hundred good reviews, and one bad, andyou remember only the bad. For years, you go on and fantasize about the reviewer who didn't like your book; you imagine him as a jerk, a wife-beater, a real ogre. And, in the meantime, the reviewer has forgotten all about the whole thing. But, twenty years later, the writer still remembers that one bad review.

The things that matter most are not things.

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.