Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it's the only time you've got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy.

The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.

I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.