The things that matter most are not things.

People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man does not drive, there is something wrong with him.

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

I earned my stripes as a Marine, and the Corps gets full credit for straightening me out. At 17, I was young, I was unhappy and most of all, I was undisciplined. The Marine Corps was the right service in the right place at the right time.

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

New York was the glamorous town that you only see now in old movies and on Broadway stages. The sky was lit up with dancing neon signs. It was safe to walk out in the streets.