There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.

I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it's the only time you've got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy.

Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.