As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

The best things in life aren't things.

The things that matter most are not things.

Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?

No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week