I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it

I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.

Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.