I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

I earned my stripes as a Marine, and the Corps gets full credit for straightening me out. At 17, I was young, I was unhappy and most of all, I was undisciplined. The Marine Corps was the right service in the right place at the right time.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

The best things in life aren't things.