I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop Over!.... G. Washington never slopt over.

One of the principal features of my entertainment is that it contains so many things that don't have anything to do with it.

I prefer temperance hotels - although they sell worse kinds of liquor than any other kind of hotels.

The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.

I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

Imagine for a moment Napoleon I, to have borne the name of Jenkins, or Washington to have sustained the appellation of John Smith!