I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop Over!.... G. Washington never slopt over.

I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.

I prefer temperance hotels - although they sell worse kinds of liquor than any other kind of hotels.

A writer who can't write in a grammerly manner better shut up shop.

One of the principal features of my entertainment is that it contains so many things that don't have anything to do with it.