My eyebrows could do with a trim.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Acting is the most demanding, painful job in the world.

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

Acting in a stage play is like working the evening shift in an office.