It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.

I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.

The real change that paintings undergo is in the perceptions of the viewer.

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.

Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.