It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.

I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.

Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'