It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.

I am 54 and age is slowly writing itself on my face.

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.

Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.