Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!

Come on, man, I got a full beard!

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.

Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.

I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!

Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?