I prefer being totally sober myself.

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.

As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.

To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.