I prefer being totally sober myself.

I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero.

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.

I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room.

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

Come cook food with me and do nothing.

Everyone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.