I went to a place recently I think is one of the most f**ked up places I've ever been to. I'm convinced this place is the epitome of American excess, of American greed. I'm talking about a place called Cold Stone Creamery. Whoa. If you have not been there, the basic gist of Cold Stone is that they take ice cream and then they just go ape sh*t with it.

I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.

Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.

No one's trying to get with jugglers.

I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.

As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.