I went to a place recently I think is one of the most f**ked up places I've ever been to. I'm convinced this place is the epitome of American excess, of American greed. I'm talking about a place called Cold Stone Creamery. Whoa. If you have not been there, the basic gist of Cold Stone is that they take ice cream and then they just go ape sh*t with it.

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man.

I live in L.A., I go on tour all the time, I'm in New York half the year - it's very hard to be in a relationship.

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.

Really good comedians, you know, when they go on stage, they don't really care what the audience - they're fearless, you know? They're so comfortable that they don't care. They don't have that neediness where they need the laughs.