I went to a place recently I think is one of the most f**ked up places I've ever been to. I'm convinced this place is the epitome of American excess, of American greed. I'm talking about a place called Cold Stone Creamery. Whoa. If you have not been there, the basic gist of Cold Stone is that they take ice cream and then they just go ape sh*t with it.

The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'

We've always been divided by some of these big political issues. It's fine. As long as we treat each other with respect and remember that ultimately, we're all Americans, we'll be fine.

I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.

Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.