Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.

I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with, or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man.

Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.

Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?

This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.

Really good comedians, you know, when they go on stage, they don't really care what the audience - they're fearless, you know? They're so comfortable that they don't care. They don't have that neediness where they need the laughs.