Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

The problem is there's a new group. I'm talking about this tiny slice of people that have gotten way too fired up about the Trump thing for the wrong reasons. I'm talking about these people that as soon as Trump won, they're like, we don't have to pretend like we're not racist anymore. We don't have to pretend anymore. We can be racist again. Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no. If you're one of these people, please go back to pretending.

I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man.

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.

I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.