This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.

She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.

Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.

I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

We've always been divided by some of these big political issues. It's fine. As long as we treat each other with respect and remember that ultimately, we're all Americans, we'll be fine.

It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.