I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.
You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
I prefer being totally sober myself.
Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?
Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.