To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.

When you meet someone you really like and connect with, I think that's very special, and not to be taken for granted.

Everyone just did what their parents did. So that immediately made me skeptical of the whole religion thing, even as a kid. So I never was really into religion as a concept.

Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.