I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

No one's trying to get with jugglers.

We've always been divided by some of these big political issues. It's fine. As long as we treat each other with respect and remember that ultimately, we're all Americans, we'll be fine.

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.