I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Come on, man, I got a full beard!

If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan." And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.

I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!

I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.

I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man.