It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.

We've always been divided by some of these big political issues. It's fine. As long as we treat each other with respect and remember that ultimately, we're all Americans, we'll be fine.

You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.

Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the world.

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man.

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.