These trees and these old people have one thing in common - they're both going in the ground soon!

Sometimes when you're with somebody, and all their stuff is at your house, it's so hard to break up with them. You don't know what they're going to wreck and destroy.

When you're drunk, you always think you're not. If you even drink at all don't get behind the wheel.

I got addicted to Tetris, playing it in my basement, I was missing all these airplane flights over it. After the fourth one that I missed, I realized I needed to get rid of this thing - so ever since then, I don't play video games any more.

I don't like Paris so much.

These trees and these old people have one thing in common - they're both going in the ground soon!

Seeing people get messed up never gets un-funny! And there's plenty of ways to do that.