Sport is a loathsome and dangerous pursuit.

If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century.

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.

The past is so reliable, so delightful and the best place to live.

I think a lot of people think that we [comedians] are nerveless people in the theatre, that we don't feel that kind of terror which traditionally anyone who has to do any public speaking feels. It's worse for actors, because our livelihood depends on it.

I have outlived most of my more athletic contemporaries who jogged, golfed and squashed themselves into coronary occlusion.

My parents were very pleased that I was in the army. The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more.