I drift along, thinking about the past a great deal. The past is so reliable, so delightful, and the best place to live. I end up there quite often, you know; it's very comfortable and dependable.

I was born with a priceless gift, the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others.

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.

If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century.

Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.

I think a lot of people think that we [comedians] are nerveless people in the theatre, that we don't feel that kind of terror which traditionally anyone who has to do any public speaking feels. It's worse for actors, because our livelihood depends on it.

New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.