If you have to explain satire to someone, you might as well give up.

I have outlived most of my more athletic contemporaries who jogged, golfed and squashed themselves into coronary occlusion.

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia

The truth is deafening, no matter how softly it is spoken.

New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.

I think a lot of people think that we [comedians] are nerveless people in the theatre, that we don't feel that kind of terror which traditionally anyone who has to do any public speaking feels. It's worse for actors, because our livelihood depends on it.

My parents were very pleased that I was in the army. The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more.