You never know when you'll have a bad idea for a worse joke.

I can always go back to construction. That's great money, but the problem is you can cut off your hand.

I'd consider myself a flailing comedy writer.

Maybe I'm naive, but I subscribe to the idea that nobody is actually making strategic decisions about their career. Trying to do that would be like playing three-card monte on Canal Street.

You never can take for granted that you have a job.

You know, 1% of us is in the armed forces, protecting the other 99, and they're all volunteers.

The place I feel most at home is when I have health insurance. I really don't care how I get it, whether it's on film, or television or waiting tables, you know?