I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners.

I hate smoothies. Because they won't offer Firestone IPA beer as an ingredient.

Steve Dallas...a frat-boy lawyer who I knew in school. He's never written me. I suspect he was shot by an annoyed girlfriend, which has saved me many legal fees.

I was never asked to join the Editorial Cartoonists Of America. No fraternity would have me in college, either. I think they know something.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

Keep in mind that in 1985, I had a potential readership of over 50 million Americans. At that time, a good portion of those were under 30.

And just as it is with all proper grannies, she ordered me into my pink bunny jammies.