It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

I grew up in Los Angeles and always wished I'd spent a childhood in a far different place.

Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family.

The universe throws us some obvious little pitches sometimes, and we need to be awake enough not to let them slip by.

Irony can elude the genius among us, sometimes.

My post-child period resulted in one instant change: I write shorter books for kids.

Steve Dallas...a frat-boy lawyer who I knew in school. He's never written me. I suspect he was shot by an annoyed girlfriend, which has saved me many legal fees.