I think it's a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

If I get married I get a tax break, if I have a kid I get a tax break, if I get a mortgage I get a tax break. I don't have any kids and I drive a hybrid, I think I should get a tax break. I'm trying to pay off my apartment so I have something tangible. I actually figured out if I paid off my place my reward would be that I would pay an extra four grand a year in taxes.

Patrice O'Neal is the best comic I ever saw.

Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups.

It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, 'What do you think you're doing!' The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.

When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It's always been high quality stuff coming out of there.