It's a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There's good things and bad things.

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... 'The Thing That Shouldn't Be'. 'The Chair That Wasn't There', you know?

Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.

Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.

You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.

I just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.