I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.

I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned how to combat depression. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it's a choice. You're in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke - or if you're on the road, go to a ball game... something that's going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

I think it gets uncomfortable when you try to act like you didn't just tell a joke that bombed.

I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?

I'm one of those guys like whatever the situation is, as long as people are cool and everybody is trying to be funny, I have a good time.

[I'm] more German than Irish.