I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.

Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups.

There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio - I don't know that guy.

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it's a fun place to live.

I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I've definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic stand, but you can only do that so long before you're like, "Jesus, I'm bombing." The fact that people pay to come see me, that's really just out the window.

I'm one of those guys where you know, I'm 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities, I've actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I'm still young enough to travel.

I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.