Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans - if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we'd never live it down.

Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!

I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.

I just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.

I think it gets uncomfortable when you try to act like you didn't just tell a joke that bombed.

Deny your emotions and act like you have answers