I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.

I enjoy collaborating with other people.

Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He's the coolest. I've never met The Rock though.

The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.

You know, it wasn't even that I'm a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I'd be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

[I'm] more German than Irish.