Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.

As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it - to me that's weird.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.

College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.